Temple of the Dark Moon

hmm…its been some time before i actually posted a bloggie~~~ … i recently read newspaper clippings about blogs. it seems they wanna regulate what we write in blogs. they say our blogs do not hold anything useful information. i thought blogs where never suppose to hold any useful information~~ AHHAH. anyways, if they decided to regulate our blogs, then i for one will know what our country is spending money on… to regulate our moral values while the country goes to the dogs.

i always tell the world: you may know a person for ten, twenty years and you will still be surprised. but even i was not able to take it to heart. we humans jump to conclusions whether we like it or not. its much simpler that way. i don have to evaluate every decision that the person makes… or decisions that the person is about to make. we set out to potray a certain personality to our peers. fun loving ppl, book loving ppl, near perfect beings, and what have you. i only need to potray what i am capable of. the things that i cannot do, i shall tell the world i cannot do. sure, it degrades my dependability, it corrodes image. so be it. at least should the time calls for me to do the things i cannot do, everyone would have known the success rate is pretty low.

once a friend asks would you sacrifice yourself for your friends… as in sacrificing your life. tough question. to answer otherwise would tell others of how self centered you are. the usual answer we will probably hear is yes. i couldnt answer that. i fear death. if anyone is to die, let me not be the first. i cannot say for sure that i will sacrifice my life for someone else… i will never know until i am faced with that decision. and therefore, there was no answer except for a very high probability that i would not.

with that, i need not be high and mighty. and when the low and weak falters, no one takes a second look. however, when the high and mighty stumbles, the world stares at them. some laugh, others disappointed. those who laugh, well, get a life then. because u are extremely toxic. we don need toxic friends, and toxic ‘friends’ were never friends to begin with. as for those who are disappointed. who to blame? who to blame? when your high and mighty leaders are found to have cheated, lied… who do you direct your anger to? we accuse them of lying… we accuse them of cheating the voters… we direct our anger at them.

stop. rewind. remember anything? they only ‘portrayed’ that they are high and mighty. even if they said they were, those are only words. words are easily broken. and why the disappointment? because of the trust that are a little beyond human. my definition of human: prone to anything from extreme lies to keeping quiet and half truths. anything higher than that is beyond human. we made them beyond human. we made them high and mighty. we wanted someone who is beyond human that we can see and depend… and thus the worshipping. and thus the disappointment. so whose fault to begin with? ourselves for believing something that we shouldnt have? their fault for lying?

the problem is, things happen. shit happens. he is only human. so are you. many things we do not what it to happen but still they do. i have only heard one part of the story… and so i shall hold my judgement. what ever it is, this is what i have to say. for those of you who have ended your relationship on several reasons, let me tell you this. stop pointing outward… and start pointing inward. you tell the world what is wrong, have u ever think of what is wrong inside yourself? if u refuse or u have never thought about it, then i can only say the same problem will occur again and again and again until you learn. running away from your problems solves nothing…it will come back to haunt you and i’m telling you it will.

on the receiving end, pain beyond pain you should also understand that the reasons that you hear may have a tinge in truth. search within yourself to see if those reasons have a place. if they dont, ignore them… if they do, you will have to learn to better yourself to avoid repeating them. and move on with your life.

it may sound a little corny but this is how it works. no one can help you if you do not help yourself. i once received a mail. "its easy to start loving..that is why its called falling in love.. because falling requires no effort. but it is hell of an effort to maintain it…and therefore we hear the labour of love"

if our parents can choose to use falling in love over and over, then they would have chucked us aside when we turn rebellious teenagers and start giving birth again. babies are cute and adorable arent they? who wants to deal with a migraine causing 17 year old.

-Those within the circle cannot see beyond, those outside can only see but not understand-

when u browse through volumes of books featuring artistic works of past artists be it famous or not, u will come across many many paintings, sculptures and what have you that their title would be "Untitled". i remember asking why would anyone create a work with no title to my then art class teacher. well, i cant remember what he said~ hahaah.. but i guess i can understand a little… its probably a work of art done with no particular motive in mind. and even should the completed work can be named, it is never the same. and thus it remained untitled. we put a title to things when we know what we want to acheive. what we want so show. what we want to write. but this is how it is… there is not particular message that i wish to pass, no particular story i wish to say, nothing in particular…. just thoughts flowing as i type… sentences may makes or not… that matters not.

kanashi na~ funny that books of astrology, new age have always pointed out that i possess the gift of clairvoyance. the ability to read the future events when in reality i’m blurest in my group. always needing someone to pass on announcements, dates, gossips or what have you. its fun to partly believe that you are a clairvoyant~ i guess that is why i always make future assumptions, trying to fulfill part of the prophecy that i have came across. come to think of it, my ‘predictions’ are never that of good news… afterall, common sense tells you good news are very hard to anticipate… and as such, im the predictor of bad news. AHAHAHAH. always telling others the misfortune that will befall them with current events~ wrong? i do not now. i always wish i was wrong. somehow, predictions of misfortune tend to make themselves come true. or perhaps we harp on misfortunes that it can be intepreted as so~

universal waite deck, goddess deck, sephiroth deck… my only 3 tarot decks… now lie in the shadows… i have not touched any of them for a while now. i was so enthusiastic to try out the theories of predicting the future. partly knowing it was a lie, partly hoping to see its powers come true. partly curiousity, partly skeptical, partly hopeful, partly fearful of its truth. in the end, fear of its predictability led to their storage. afterall, if life is fated, what use then am i trying so hard to live? its easy for others to laugh~ fate, there is no such thing. i would like to believe it too~

deja vu. we hear it all the time. from the time we heard for the first time from the move ‘The Matrix’, it has become a rather usual concept~. we try to find scientific prove that deja vu does not exist. others try to explain that its scatoma. we see what we wanted to see. but that is why deja vu is so scary. some a facinated by the experience. however, if u had a tad too much of it, facination quickly turns to fear. i have seen countless scenes replaying for the second time. i didnt see those scenes a day, or week before. they were months and months ago~ but they are etched so clearly in ur mind that when u see the scene again, u knew u had seen it before.

and if that is fate, then my choices were never choices to begin with. if things i do not know i will do i have already seen them, then what was i choosing? i was never choosing, i merely followed what was determined. however, should there be such a thing, then i guess this is what it means to be attributed with the gift of clairvoyance. i have seen the future however i do not know what to make do of it. 

future, something we always look forward to~ what do wa want for our future? how many of us thought of our future with images so clearly imprinted infront of our eyes? i cannot see any of it. lack of planning perhaps~ perhaps~

Again I find myself staring into space,
Imagination wind in overdrive,
Pictures and Images that may not be,
Again I’m here staring into space.

~Enimsil Liwrouy~

And so came the sound of ringing chimes,
Along with the shifting sands of time,
The dread of living in a lie,
May finally be buried with a sigh.

~Enimsil Liwrouy~

Something is Wrong,
That much I can tell,
Something is wrong,
What exactly, I do not know.

~Enimsil Liwrouy~

The leaves are green in Spring,
Brown in the Autumn winds,
None in the chill of Winter,
Colours are all around us.

We are no longer segregated by geography,
But by the colour which nature bestowed,
We view them with suspicion,
Even though we speak the same language.

The enmity of the large divide,
Blinds us of scene of reality,
Each choosing to help their brethren,
When all are brothers and sisters.

We become ever so sensitive,
Every gesture is read as hostile,
How has it ever came to such extent,
How has it ever reach this day?

Colour is only skin deep,
Open thy third eye to see,
See beyond that you see,
Then only will you See.

The invisible seal of the word of mouth,
Binds the initiator to his master,
The magick with the name of Trust,
Procured so diffucultly shattered so easily.

~Enimsil Liwrouy~

River flowing from the spring of youth,
Down the path where the ancient carved,
Riding the earth through winter and spring,
course unchanging through the stillness of time.

~Enimsil Liwrouy~

some say its a debate, some an arguement. it’s rather simple isn’t it? when 2 people have differing opinion and express them, naturally it is to try to convince the other party that their point of view is wrong. or so what others would think. after all, when we starting writing our opinions through the net, it can be easily misunderstood as an arguement. people take their pride rather seriously and we always, always assume that anyone with differing points of view is attacking us. after all, internet cannot convey emotions as well as face to face speech. alot of msgs are transmitted through body language and when we take that away, alot of ambiguity remains and our imagination start to fill it. and naturally, it would be filled the images that the other party is mocking us.

one such event was to arise with the opinion from a friend regarding the Iran nuclear issue. i would interpret it as very emotional considering alot words like ‘F**K’, ‘bloodyfool’ were weaved into the messages. and naturally being me, i love to give opposing views. cant say why, i guess it’s in my blood to do so. it was of course not with the intention to stir up a storm. i’d just love to know why it was so emotionally charged and the reasons behind it. as replies were replied. we have rather alot of different views. and again i posted counter views. there is always 2 sides to a coin. there is always more than one way to look at an event.

and finally, another reply was posted and this was giving views on a whole new level. There was no need to argue about things u can do nothing about it said. if we cant do anything about it, why bother? *grin* it is true. there is nothing much we can do about it. so why argue? thats where it got pretty interesting really. why debate over the net? it is pointless and foolish to say the least because if we do debate over the net, the lacking of emotional input that is filled by our ever imaginative imagination really fires things up. debate or arguement was never the main objective by the way. and if anyone who reads the thread interpret it as an arguement or debate, it is of little wonder.

being as fiery and as sarcastic a person that i am, speaking out my point of view is equivalent to trying to convince that the opposing party is wrong and that i am right and i want them to see my side of the world. HAHAHAHAHAHHA. only after reading the post i posted again did i realise that if i were to put in my usual personality, the whole essay turns into a barage of missles.

facinating. even though when u type sentences with such calm emotions. with absolute neutrality. with only ur main objective in mind, it can be interpreted so differently. Kerteh must have done quite abit for my temper AHAHAHAHHAH.

it is facinating isnt it the human mind. it is a realm so sacred most of the time only the owner strolls inside this sacred temple. all of us keep it that way. it is a defence. for should anyone break and succeeds to enter this protected sacred space, we become deathly vulnerable to their manipultions. however, it is precisely this sacred realm we expose to the world when we speak of our opinion. debates are not only channels in which we speak our minds. they are not only channels in which we try to throw out the other party’s point of view. it is also a channel to walk into another person’s mind. the more u speak, the more it reveals about the very place u intend to keep secret.

And i thank all who have replied and contributed to that thread. your views and ideas are most illuminating. Kansyashimasu.

Secrets are what we keep,
Protect it as best we can,
Defend it should the walls are breached,
Lay hidden from all it should always be.

Protect it as best we can,
Silence is our best defence,
Manipulators will try to pry,
Or perhaps they never needed to try.

The circle with the five pointed star,
Seal this temple with the light of red,
Blind the ancient Illuminating Eye,
Break this seal only when He sees fit.

~Enimsiil Liwrouy~

The big smile you gave me,
To soothe this crying heart of mine,
The big hug you gave me,
Made me warm and comfy.

A prayer I send to the gods,
Please help me reach this Broken Divinity,
This Divinity that has always been there for me,
Let me be there for this Divine Being of mine.